This Floating Poo Was Way Too Symbolic! These Are the Television Letdowns of the Year.

Looking back, we reflect on the television landscape of the recent year, a handful of shows stand out not for their brilliance, but for their notable shortcomings. Ranging from awkward spin-offs to confusingly poor documentaries, here are the programmes that had us utterly bewildered or simply reaching for the remote.

The 'Sex and the City' Sequel

How to start with this divisive spin-off? Burdened with dreadful scripts, cringe-inducing character development (justice for Miranda!), and a paltry 71 seconds of fan-favourite Samantha, the series fought to justify its existence. Briefly, as the final season began, it seemed as if it had finally found its groove. Then came an episode centered on Seema’s natural deodorant. No wonder the creator announced this would be the last season. It ended on a low point; the closeup of Miranda’s loo flooded with poo was just way too symbolic. Yet, viewers certainly found joy dissecting every single “wtf?” episode. And as Carrie – a single woman once more – twirled around her palatial townhouse to Barry White, who didn’t let out a little sob?

The Kim Kardashian Drama

‘Is Kim Kardashian an actress? The answer is a resounding no.’

But that was practically the smallest of this drama's issues. The subject of a very rare no-star review, it was hard to know where to start listing the problems. The hilariously wooden writing? The mind-numbing veneration of wealth and materialism? The seemingly deliberate procession of cliches? Performances so bad they felt almost spiteful? Suffice it to say “all of the above” and never speak of this series again. Except, a new season has been ordered, so we’re probably going to have to.

AKA Charlie Sheen

Considering the legal troubles, abuse claims and parental failures, it’s reasonable to say Charlie Sheen has been a bad boy. Not you’d really have gleaned it from this multi-part docuseries which smirked its way at Sheen’s various bouts of self-destructive hedonism while struggling to tell us a single thing we didn’t already know. Rather, it felt as if this volatile personality was being pandered to, so any pity this series might induce should be saved for the people who have had to endure proximity with this charismatic but flippant narcissist.

The Iris Affair

Of course we understood it was ridiculous from the outset: a thriller about a AI known as Charlie Big Potatoes that could either solve global crises – or destroy all of humanity. We stuck with it out of sheer love for its leads … but by the end, it felt like even they had stopped bothering. One barely cared when his character died, and the other ended up hacking Charlie with an axe … in painfully slow-motion. That's what you call giving up the ghost.

MobLand

Dodgy figures convening in deserted boxing gyms? The Prodigy’s Firestarter jackhammering away in club scenes? The late 90s called and wants its crime drama back.

In truth, that is harsh on the crime shows of the late 90s. Many look a bit old-fashioned now, but at least they didn’t endure the embarrassment of having to accommodate unconvincing dialects. But there were many other problems. Primarily that it was just really boring; a dispute over narcotics territory between various London rogues which seemed rather simplistic.

The Meghan Markle Series

Considering the extent to which she provokes the ire of the nation’s performatively enraged commentators, it’s temptingly easy to admire the Duchess of Sussex’s various forays into quaint homemaking as deliberate statements. But then you watch them and are forced to admit that actually, they might have a point. It’s like watching a homeware magazine come to life; a meme for wine o’clock with delusions of grandeur; a parade of snoozing dogs, humming beehives, Hallmark sayings and forgettable crafting “hacks” you’ll not remember instantly. All underpinned by vast, largely undeserved wealth. Ugh.

The Beckham Documentary

There are clearly fascinating things to be discussed about both Victoria Beckham and her struggles with career, identity, self-acceptance. But for some reason, this three-part series opted not to explore them. Instead, the experience was akin to consuming a marketing catalogue. She obviously has good reason to resent what she describes as her “stern” image. But unfortunately, she didn’t do herself any helps with this guarded non-event of a series.

The Inheritance

It had the potential to be the next cultural phenomenon – except even more extravagant, with a famous star playing dead and a sharp-tongued personality managing her inheritance. What more could you want? As players competed, there was plenty of backstabbing and squabbling. But the rules quickly became bewildering: it’s still too complicated to explain what exactly was happening. Even more regrettably, we only saw glimpses of the star via filmed videos. The series ended up reeking of a programme that was straining desperately to emulate something way beyond it.

Too Much

How do you succeed a show that defined a generation? The expectation was immense for this starry romantic comedy about Jessica, a hopeful New Yorker who lands in London with a shattered romance. The star seized the opportunity by the horns and was a delight to watch, reveling in Austen levels of romantic notions. But it was all very glossy and, paradoxically, was not enough. Plus, the abundance of celebrity cameos involved felt uncomfortable.

Mitchell & Webb Are Not Helping

Not even good enough to be ‘uneven’.

Given the shrewd inclusion of talented younger comics, expectations were high. But sadly, most of it fell flat. A recurring sketch was a one-note joke stretched to a dry pulp but recurring in every episode. One star seemed too ready to slip into a familiar irate mode. The behind-the-scenes sketches, in contrast, simply provoked the idea that they should probably have remained in there a while longer.

The Knox Dramatisation

This dramatisation of the story of Amanda Knox was executive produced by Amanda Knox and pretty much solely presented the viewpoint of Amanda Knox. So, while there undoubtedly is an compelling drama to be made about the tragic 2007 murder, this isn’t it. The subject matter needed to be handled sensitively. Rather, the series struggled painfully to find the right tone, lumbering from oddly breezy, slightly mannered farce to ultimately, real-life horror. Twisted? Perhaps. A total mess? Absolutely.

Prime Target

We admire the lead actor … but did we believe him playing the most brilliant maths genius since, a man so intelligent he’s on the brink of a breakthrough that could ruin society? Nope! This globe-trotting thriller about secret services targeting – and eliminating – intellectuals frankly got more absurd by the second. Silliness-by-numbers.

1000 Men and Me: The Bonnie Blue Story

This uncritical portrait followed the content creator notorious for explicit exploits as she prepared for her biggest feat yet. What on earth would possess her? What we craved was far greater interrogation of her true psyche, plus those of the men in the line. They could at least have spoken to the legendary mum who showed up to drag her son away from the queue. What we got was disturbing imagery and absolutely no critical analysis of her infamy whatsoever. It's staggering to consider, the filmmaker has a teenage daughter too.